How-To Guide to Reclaiming One's Cape
by HexalianRebelAgent
Summary: Your name is Dave Strider, and you've just woken up from a nap in your bed on the meteor. As you change out of your sleeping pajamas into your God Tier jams, it would appear your cape is gone again. And since a Knight without his cape is like a troll without horns (odd, and frankly, just not right), you know it's once again time to venture out and find it...again.


**A/N: A short Davekat thing while I continue to work through Suffering You. This is also a special present for a good friend of mine. Happy Wriggling Day! Tag your goddamn Birthday Triggers!**

**P.S. Pawfeet!Trolls because adorable. =3 Sue me.**

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How To: Reclaim One's Cape

Your name is Dave Strider, and you've just woken up from a nap in your bed on the meteor. As you change out of your sleeping pajamas into your God Tier jams, it would appear your cape is gone again. And since a Knight without his cape is like a troll without horns (odd, and frankly, just not right), you know it's once again time to venture out and find it. Here is your How To/Step-by-Step method for finding and reclaiming your wayward cape…again.

**_Step One-Dave: Be Sleuthily Decisive._**

Now, there are a few reasonably plausible explanations for this; and one very obvious, most-likely-bordering-on-certain, explanation for this. Even though you're pretty sure you know where your cape is, what's the fun in just going to grab it? Plus, you might as well eliminate all possibilities before you go out and piss off a certain troll.

**_Step Two- Dave: Interrogate Half-Drunk Ecto-Sis and her Fashion-Obsessed, Bloodsucking Girlfriend _**

You decide to first check in with Rose and Kanaya. With Kanaya being the only female on this meteor that wasn't constantly inebriated, as well as being the one who cared the most about clothes and junk, she made it a routine to keep Rose off the liquor twice a week so they could gather and wash everyone's laundry.

Right now, you can see that Rose is out of her God Tier jams and wearing one of Kanaya's dresses; she's also absently drawing her finger around the rim of an empty martini glass. The low background grumble of the washer confirms that today is one of Kanaya's Laundry Days.

"Yo, either of you take my cape in for cleaning?" you ask nonchalantly.

"While I admit I wasn't completely sober when I collected your clothes today," Rose says with the slightly condescending face she sometimes puts on when explaining things to you like this. "I like to think that if I wanted to wash your cape, I would have taken your entire God Tier suit. And since you seem to have your suit, one can assume your cape should be with it."

"Well, it wasn't. You seen it or not?"

"No, Dave, we have not seen your cape." Kanaya sighs. "It wasn't in any of the laundry bins this morning."

"Alright, fine…" You huff, walking away. That's one possibility off the list.

**_Step Three-Dave: Find Terezi_**

Terezi's obsession with the color red made it all too possible that she might take your cape. But she does have her own, and lately she's been busy gallivanting and hate-raving about with her kisme-sadist, so maybe she hasn't had the time. Nevertheless, you venture down the hall toward her room, only to hear her and Gamzee yelling at each other again.

They're really going at it this time. Gamzee's voice is disturbingly loud and clear, which is never good, since his voice is usually gravelly, low, and slightly restrained. You approach the door, raising one hand tentatively to knock. You kind of just stand there, not doing anything but listening to them argue for a while.

**_Dave: Stop Screwing Around and Confront Them_**

Oh, hell no. Fuck that. You decide to turn and try somewhere else. Not because Gamzee creeps you right out and may or may not still want to chop your head off; but because of the fact that if Terezi had taken your cape, she would have made a show of it. She'd have just waltzed in while you were reading a comic or something and probably would have just yanked the thing off your neck before walking off with a little cackle. Since you had been asleep the entire morning, it wouldn't have been any fun for her to steal it from you then.

Looks like you'll have to keep searching.

**_Step Four-Politely Inquire of the Mayor_**

It's no secret that the Mayor, on rare occasions, takes your cape to move cans from the Alchemiter to his next construction site. He usually asks first though; then again, maybe he just didn't want to wake you up. He's just awesome like that. You head to Can Town, which has been steadily growing in height and convolution ever since you gave the Mayor some spare Capthalogue cards, a basic Array Modus, and some glue. As you step delicately between and around can buildings, and gingerly over can citizens, you wonder where the Mayor could be.

"Yo, Mayor!" you call out, which isn't that helpful since he doesn't talk. "Where are ya, bro?" You turn a corner and see him up on a ladder, gluing some cans to the town's newest apartment complex. Hell, we're gonna have to call this place Can City soon.

"Mayor, you didn't take my cape, did ya?"

The Mayor shook his head calmly, continuing to stack cans. You, of course, aren't surprised. You ought to hurry though; if you wait too long, there won't be any point in looking.

**_Dave: Resist the Urge to Chill with Mayor_**

You fail to resist the urge and chill with the Mayor for a while, drinking aged Tab and helping him start the foundation for a school. You feel proud knowing you're involved in the future advancement of young cans' education.

**_Step Five-Dave: Solve This Thing Already_**

Alright, alright, enough of this sleuthing game, you decide. You've known where your cape was all along, and it's about damn time you get it back.

You go straight to a slightly secluded hallway and down to the third room on the right. The door is slightly cracked open; a little odd, since he usually locks it. You sneak in silently, approaching the thick mattress on a wood platform where he was curled up with your cape, the little thief. You smirk; it does surprise you a bit to see him using the bed you alchemized for him. Combining your old mattress with a smuppet you still had in the bottom of your sylladex had created the softest thing you'd felt in the history of ever, yet it still had semi-decent support in it.

More importantly though, the runt of the surviving trolls was cocooned in your cape in a way that made it impossible to just snatch it and run like you sometimes did. He was getting wise to your techniques. You gently kneel on the bed and lean over him; he's fast asleep (probably stayed up all night again for whatever reason), and he's making angry little growly noises and gripping the corner of his pillow so hard, his knuckles are paling. Whether or not you admit it, you are aware that trolls usually use sopor slime, or whatever it was, to help them sleep, or else they have crazy nightmares. Kanaya mentioned that they had been going without it for quite a long time at this point, and knowing how sensitive and self-loathing Karkat claims he isn't, you suppose it's possible he's more susceptible to those dreams. At some points, his growling seemed to turn into helpless whining, like a kicked puppy; at others, he was just quiet, probably at a quiet spot in his dreams. Right now, his fingers are gently flexing against the pillow, and he was quiet. Messing with him now would make you an Insufferable Prick.

**_Dave: Be an Insufferable Prick_**

Noticing how wrapped up and comfortable he was in your cape and seeing his black sneakers on the floor, you smirk and decide to be a complete asshole. You slide down to the foot of the bed and gently fish one of his ankles from under the cloak. You totally don't completely melt at the sight of his in-no-way-adorable crab-printed socks and pajamas. You refocus and remind yourself that you're here for a reason. Hooking one arm around his ankle, you start scribbling your fingers over the sole of his foot, occasionally scratching at his paw pads through his sock. His reaction is progressive: a slight smile crosses his face in his sleep and he starts trying to yank his leg away, then he's all giggles for a few seconds, then he starts to wake up and realizes he's being attacked.

"S-Strider!" he tries to snarl at you, but then you decide to pull out all the stops and dig all ten fingers into his foot. He shouts out some obscenity you aren't paying attention to, and tries to kick you with his free foot. Before you can get ahold of that foot too, it nails you in the shoulder, and your little victim snatches his other foot back.

"What the hell, Strider?!" he shouts at you, failing to keep a straight face.

You smirk at him. "You awake now, Vantas?"

"Oh, shut up." He flops back on the pillow and pulls his blanket (**your **cape) over his head. "What do you want?"

"Oh gee, what could I possibly want?" You ask sarcastically, grabbing the end of your cape and tugging.

He grumbles and pulls it back. "No. You don't need it."

You gape at him incredulously. "How can you even say that? I am a Knight, and Knights always wear their capes."

"I don't wear my cape…" the troll murmurs softly, sounding a little…not happy to say the least.

You lean over and yank your cape off his head, ruffling his hair. "You don't have your cape yet." You take special care to add that "yet" in there, but Karkat just huffs.

"Whatever…" he murmurs. "You still can't have it back yet."

"What?! Why the hell not? You're awake now."

"If you take it now, then I'll just take it again later, and then we'll be right back here; and frankly, I don't have the patience required to take that shit today."

Well, Strider…Looks like there's only one thing left to do…

**_Step Six-Strider: Stride_**

"Put me down!" the small troll barks at you as you scoop him up off the mattress and start walking out of the room. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Taking my cape back, dumbass." You smirk cheekily. "Looks like you've been caught in the crosshair." You take him back to your room and chuck him onto the bed, standing over him in mock superiority while he growls territorially. You start to realize that the Vantas seems legitimately hell-bent on keeping your cape this time. You sigh and put your hands up in surrender, sitting with him on the bed.

"Karkat…" you say slowly, your hand on your forehead; he's still giving you those "I'll-rip-your-fucking-throat-out-if-you-cross-me" eyes. "I'm startin' to pick up vibes that are saying there might be a reason why you keep stealin' my cape."

Karkat looks at you like you're a moron. "Oh, you think?" his eyes say.

"So… Maybe you wanna tell me? I'm gettin' kinda sick of this game too, y'know." You honestly aren't; any excuse to bug Karkat is a good excuse; but this time, you feel like the game can—

**_Karkat: Throw the Strider a Proverbial Curveball_**

Wait, what? You look over at Karkat to see him staring down at his hands as if he were angry, sad, and completely broken all at once. He then hits you with something so far outta left field, that if it had come from any further, you'd be sure that it had been launched into the skies of right field and slingshot around the planet.

"I-It's my fault…" he says, his voice choked and breaking as red-tinted tears start to well up in his eyes. "It's all my fault…" He's suddenly trembling as he breathes in soft, shuddering breaths, embracing himself as if he's trying to trap all his emotion in like he always does.

"What's your fault?" you ask automatically, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, even though it feels like only your voice is reaching him right now.

He sits there quietly for a moment, shaking. "…E-Everything!" And then he's crying. Karkat Vantas is crying; in front of you, of all people. "I could have stopped it; I could have stopped everything! I-I'm such an idiot!"

"Hey, Vantas…" you murmur, trying to calm him down. "What are you talking about?"

"This! E-Everything, Dave!" he grabs onto you, his sharp nails digging into your skin painfully. "It was me! All my fuck-ups caused this! I rushed through our game; I caused your universe to be unstable; I didn't keep a close enough eye on Gamzee; I harassed John instead of trying to give him information; and I blamed you guys for creating Jack instead of trying to help solve the problem from the start! I…I blamed you instead of realizing that I should have blamed myself…I-It all falls back to me…"

You stare at him silently as he falls apart, crying into your shirt and calling himself some pretty hurtful names under his breath. You softly wrap your arms around him, one hand gently running through his hair. "I…I don't think it matters." You hear yourself say, and you nod slightly to assure yourself that it's what you honestly think.

"Strider…If I hadn't talked the others into trying to troll you guys…I-If I hadn't hassled Kanaya while we were breeding frogs… If…If we hadn't abandoned Eridan the way we did..."

"Then you'd have created an alternate timeline, and we might not be here right now."

"'Might?' That's my point, Dave! We don't know! We don't know if we couldn't have stopped all this madness and still manage to get out alive. And I can't go back…"

You sigh and rub his back, pulling him a little closer to you. "Vantas, I've gone back in time more than once by now, even crossing other timelines; and if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: You almost never find what you want unless you rigged it beforehand. We've all figured out that everything that's happened up to now was meant to be, even the tiniest things that we think are insignificant, like the 413 times you've stolen my cape since I got it, were all probably meant to happen, and if they didn't, we would be in a Doomed Timeline."

"How do you know we aren't?" he asks, his voice more steady but still sounding hopeless.

You don't. You hug him tighter. "That's not the point. The point is we're here now, and we have to do everything we can to be strong while we are here."

Karkat sighs heavily, clearly wanting to curl in on himself and probably just die…You decide to change the subject.

"So…" you drawl softly. "My cape?"

Karkat murmurs into your chest. "I…I just needed to borrow it."

"Why…?" You prod, gently leaning back to look at his face; you can't resist smirking when you see his cheeks turning red.

The young troll continues to avoid eye contact, but mumbles again. "Sleep…M-My nightmares: they've been getting worse."

"Are you forgetting that we have no less than a million blankets here? Rose and Kanaya kind of made sure of that."

Karkat doesn't say anything, just sort of buries his blushing face in your chest.

**_Dave: Use Your Brain, Jackass_**

Okay, geez! No need to be rude about it. You finally piece it together and nearly break out into an actual grin. You do manage to hold your coolkid smirk and squish Karkat even tighter to your chest, ruffling his hair with one hand.

"So…" you snicker. "You only took my cape 'cause it has my scent on it, didn't you?"

"N-No." Karkat lied; you never noticed how shy he was.

"Well, why then?" you smirk, leaning back again and wiggling your fingers over his belly. "Talk, Vantas."

He flinches back and tries to slap your hands away; but you hold onto his waist and squeeze his sides. You chuckle; so Terezi may have accidently let it slip out that Karkat was ticklish, he didn't have to know that.

You tickle his ribs and pin him down, smirking playfully. "I'm waiting, babe."

The troll is gripping your wrists and just barely managing to keep from laughing. "Alright, fine!" He huffs, giggling softly. "You were right, okay? I took it because it makes me think of you. It just helps me sleep, alright?"

"Do I protect you in your dreams?" you tease with a slight purr in your voice; he shoves you, and he totally isn't smiling like mad.

"Maybe." He says cagily.

"Okay then," You say as you lay beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist. "You can't sleep without my cape because it smells like me. So, if I want to keep my cape, I have to stay with you."

"The math sounds right." Karkat chuckles, yawning softly and curling against your side.

You shrug, pulling him close. "No problem, babe." You smile, reaching down and pulling your cape over the young troll. "I'm here for ya. Always will be." He closes his eyes, and when you think he's asleep, you gently kiss his forehead.

And that, Dave Strider, is how you reclaim your cape; it definitely didn't go as smoothly as you had expected, but the reward this time had definitely been the most valuable.


End file.
